Fifty Shades of Frodo

grey off and down to left

baggins off and down to left

Frodo and friend
Frodo and friend

I rest my case: They are one and the same. And who can blame a girl for fantasising about having a rollicking good Baggins now and then?

Is it JUST me or does no one fancy the actor cast as Christian Grey because he looks a bit like Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings trilogy – but wearing a suit?

Now, we didn’t really get a close up of his feet, but it wouldn’t surprise me to find a light downy pelt across the toes.  This is the sort of thinking that kept me awake during the third quarter of Fifty Shades of Grey at our local cinema, accompanied by a good friend.

What we really loved about the film was these two things:  1.  Being asked my age when purchasing two glasses (plastic ones with a yoghurt top type foil over the top) of Sauv Blanc to drink with our popcorn – ‘Seriously?’ – and 2. the arrival of two elderly ladies arm in arm, struggling up the stairs to seats at the back of the theatre.  Both were clutching huge old lady bags (no doubt rammed with squirty cream, hand crocheted hand restraints and lavender talc for the chafing) and were well into Werthers Original territory.

Frodo Grey wonked on with his watery-eyed ‘intimidating’ stare which had, by now, morphed into Puss in Boots from Shrek, and we got our 28th viewing of Dakota Johnson’s baps.  Bless her, she did such a good job.

As we journeyed onward I was impressed that the wardrobe department took her character seriously, providing her with practical Marks and Spencer knickers throughout.  Frodo, it seems, has a special pair of ‘spanking jeans’.  One can only presume they are loose enough to give him a good arm swing without nipping at the waist.

Attention wandering in the red room of pain I also took note of some of the various bits and bobs hanging up on racks.  There seemed to be an awful lot of Davy Crocket hat tails (Raccoon?) dangling there – which I’m pretty sure wouldn’t smart at all – apart from for the poor original donor.

Given the first film is the first book, and there are three books, one would assume we will be treated to a round century of views, baps-wise, by the end of it all.  However if the showing we were at was anything to go by, apart from us two, two other girls (with beer), the Werthers Originals ladies and an assortment of around 15 other people, not sure if it will go the distance.


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