Up the creek without a paddle – midstream M6 is crunch time

kyaks - not cool on the middle lane of the M6
kyaks – not cool on the middle lane of the M6

Deary me. I’d taken the second of husband’s beloved four wheeled drive vehicles to the Lake District to drop him off to work on the holiday let cottage, while I stripped down packaging and stuffed in the back of the Land Rover to take it home, and to the tip.

Didn’t think I’d finish up in the middle lane of the M6 Southbound, ‘wearing’ a necklace of three kyaks complete with roof rack and strapping.

Everywhere there were signs about high winds and slowing down. Nowhere did the signs say – and ruddy well make sure your canoe thingy is strapped on securely, or better still go via the A roads where they’re less likely to be ripped off the roof of your Megane. No.

Hence I did my first ever reverse, three point turn thing in the middle lane of one of the UK’s busiest motorways (as said little boats were jammed under the front of the Discovery). On limping to the hard shoulder, boats now set free of my bumper and scuttling back to the centre of the road, I discovered himself’s pride and joy was minus a bumper, a fog lamp, had a crack in the windscreen and a big old whack on the driver’s door.

Young handsome men were retrieving small boats. Lady from the Megane kept worrying I’d need tea.

Highway patrol men in one of those pretend police cars pulled in. I asked, after swapping details, if they could help get me back on the road (now the log jam was whipping along nicely). He said: ‘No, you’ll just have to stick your nose out a bit, indicate, wait for a gap then go for it’. Then he asked – ‘is the car still drivable?’

I’d have had fat chance if I was pedalling it. Fortunately it is constructed from Sherman tank bits left over from various wars, so the big old bus trundled out, as I floored the gas, at the speed of an old lady with a tartan trolley, but with the poise and presence of Royalty. We didn’t get hit, we left the kyaks and cracked on to the tip.

Husband, remarkably quite pleased. Is getting a new bumper, fog light, windscreen and driver’s door, and a brand new 4×4 to drive around in while this one gets fixed. Oh and his wife’s still in the land of the living.

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