You’ll know this feeling if you’ve just about notched up a half century and you’re female – the feeling’s ‘feelin’ hot hot hot’ and that’s what my friend (we’ll call her Jane) felt out on her rounds with a fresh-faced 25 year old rookie salesman. The familiar heat rising from the stomach area, waves of invisible flame licking up through the chest until the full on flush bursts across your face and your ears burn like halogen headlights. Yes, the world’s most epic hot flush.
Ordinarily, this can be got away with. However, it is trickier in this situation.
Jane had got out of the car bundled, as she was, in a quilted coat, jacket, blouse, scarf and hat. The young man accompanying her matched her stride as they marched past the snooty receptionist and pressed the lift button.
Once inside the Venus Volcano started its thing. On arriving at the top floor they realised they’d forgotten two of the boxes they needed. They trudged back into the lift, dinged the button and all hell let loose.
Jane’s hat came off, scarf, quilted jacket – all in a flash flush. The twenty five year old is looking decidedly nervous. ‘I’m so sorry says Jane, I’m just really hot,’ as she strips off her suit jacket. By now 25 year old is pinned into a corner eyeing the caged Cougar with nervous suspicion and … is that a glimmer of hope?
By the time the doors open Jane is also tugging at the neck of her blouse and wafting it uselessly. The mirrored interior of the lift tells her she now has unflattering hat hair, a bright red face and an upper chest the colour of a cockerel’s comb. The snooty receptionist’s eyebrows make for the ceiling as, to all intents and purposes, the boy who entered the elevator leaves it a man…..