Having successfully – finally – side stepped the boyfriend gap years and made it through to a proper grown up, here are my top husband hacks:
- Number one best friend
- Irritating as hell and totally compelling
- Hero – all action mountain biting, oily-rag wielding, live mouse retrieving right-proper bloke
- Doesn’t like spiders. We leave ’em to the cats or I have to intervene.
- Likes nothing better than a good splash of sump-oil and a dust down with sparks from welding
- Warns me about arc-eye, every time he’s re-enacting a scene from Flashdance. The one with the welding, not the scantily-clad power-ballet, obviously.
- Awesomeness, general.
- Clever blokey stuff that would take years for woman with brain-size-of-squirrel to understand (we’re not listening, we don’t care …. shhhhh!)
- Once you have familiarised yourself with the controls husbands can still be tricksy
- They steal chocolate. You respond by hiding chocolate.
- With the cunning of a fox they first consume all of the milk chocolate (that’s the chocolate you like, they prefer the dark chocolate). This means their stash of dark chocolate is safe. You resort to hiding all chocolate.
- They do a ‘pink’ job and make you feel guilty
- You have a bash at a ‘blue’ job and you feel (and are, often) inadequate (again, don’t really care….)
- Most of my most interesting conversations are with Mr Eff.
- Style: Cultured vagrant.
- On producing a ratty and holey pair of long johns. Proudly – ‘I’ve had these 30 years.’ I’m thinking, fantastic, straight on the fire for those then. He pipes up. ‘I’m going to go for 40’ and eases his feet into the legs.
- Sexy. Now you wouldn’t think that would follow the previous bullet point would you. But that is the point, unexpected, fun and cool in a ratty old hat while lecturing me about the importance of wearing a good quality sock. Sigh. I’m not really a ‘sock person’.
- Love of my life and mad as a muppet. I’m still not sick of you yet; fingers crossed we both feel the same way.